For starters, almost NONE of the things your daughter is a fangirl of are even vaguely STILL hot among her peers. Well, I feel like I may offer a different perspective on this. I am a nurse who works night shifts, and I have a working son, 21, and student daughter 20. my husband and their father died 3 years ago, and I have been working steadily. Whatever the reason, an alcoholic father can be very manipulative and controlling. Here are some signs that your father had narcissistic tendencies or was an outright narcissist. And to be 10, 11, 12, 13 and know that my sheer presence could make my dad so happy? When I was 12 I thought New Kids on the Block was a real legitimately talented band. It makes me very depressed that the new Star Trek movies are so popular when the brilliance of DS9 and TNG are all but forgotten amongst our youth . AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? : r/AmItheAsshole Respect the boundaries and, as far as possible, learn to relax and take refuge on your side of the fence. But it sounds like dad needs to remove the ginormous stick from his ass and let his daughter fangirl. You sometimes got what you needed but not what you expected in unpredictable moments that made no sense. If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. Now a couple of days ago I made a mistake and got behind the wheel of a car after having a few drinks and got a DUI. it seems to . July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. However, its wife that wrote in. My junior daughter does & my husband complains all the time that she has no need for a cellphone except when she is driving. Id even argue that as the adult here, he should be putting in more of an effort to accept her for who she is and take an interest in what she likes, instead of the other way around. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. He is, however, driven and self-reliant. Im also a 31-year-old fangirl so this might not just be a phase that shell grow out of, haha. Eating vegetables or just trying any new food? It's never easy when feelings like this are not returned, but she needs to accept that a relationship with this guy seems to be a non-starter. But for practical advice: board games. . Huge difference one is laughing with you, one is laughing at you and I think when your daughter is 12 and you are having trouble getting along that it is on the adult/father to go the extra mile and make sure that you arent being a jackass in an effort to be humorous. For example, younger children may not be able to express themselves as well and may need help doing so. You are so stupid, get some real hobbies.. He may be uncomfortable talking about his feelings or sharing personal stories. July 2, 2013, 1:26 pm. My husband and I have very different interests, but he does not roll his eyes when I talk about them. Usually, yes your car insurance coverage should extend to anyone else driving your car. This can be a normal and healthy part of adolescence, but it can also be painful for parents who feel like they are losing the close relationship they once had with their child. Beware of These 5 Ways You May Unintentionally Push Your Man Away July 2, 2013, 12:45 pm. I know that we all love the music from our generation. You couldnt easily figure out what was going on, and you probably liked the challenge, so you became an eager relationship sleuth, avidly assembling clues that seem to make the next move more predictable. This is exactly my experience, too. 20 years later, Im crazy close with both of my parents. I think visiting an air and space museum if shes interested in Star Trek is a great idea. Most certainly. Roll your eyes!?! I dont care that much about baseball, but my dad is a fanatic so I played catch with him in the backyard and had fun because we were spending time together. Hold on there, NKOTB are STILL awesome! This could be something as simple as going for a walk together after dinner or taking turns reading bedtime stories. Your confidence in yourself as a reasonable and intelligent human being may have rapidly diminished. The thing is, what the father is doing is rude. Yeah, and you definitely dont win the parenting award when you focus more on getting your kid to be your ally, as opposed to sticking up for your child. Discuss that there are other things to talk about sure. But, of course, that would require HIM to take an interest in something his daughter likes in order to find that common ground. I thought that was actually really funny. Perhaps the suggestion of planning an event night or game night type of thing where each family member gets to plan one a week? You dont have to worship the same pop culture icons to have solid relationships. ! And they were kind of blas, like, Oh, we didnt? Why cant he ask simple questions about what is her favorite episode and why? Maybe they have communicated about this many times, but obviously there havent been any results yet! If the father wants his daughter to respect his interests, then he needs to be the adult and show her how adults should behave and respect hers. However, now as an adult, he appreciates my intelligence and how much thought and research I put into topics, even if we dont agree. Blow out the torches! Shes interested in piano, archery, musicals and science fiction. Would I have said, at 12 or 13, Hey Dad, hows about a trip to Home Depot on this fine Sunday? In the last 2-3 years my husband and daughter have has a strained and tense relationship because of her actions and his attitude. I hated sitting through long sports games. And dont EVER talk negatively about one spouse to your children. What this may be in your husband's case is anyone's guess. Finally, try to model the behavior you want to see from your husband and daughter. And LW- anyone who tells you Firefly is not a good show doesnt know what their talking about! He sounds like a domineering and boring person. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding, How a Stronger Body Can Transform Your Identity, Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. NIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE RESPONSE, WENDY! We think theyre awesome. It was infuriating. His father worked out of town 5 days a week and was hunting on the weekends during hunting season, so my husband would see him maybe one day a week. Her husband could be one of those people. It should open up LWs eyes to the reality of the situation. July 2, 2013, 12:57 pm. There are times I dont have any interest in my husbands hobbies, but I know that if I go with him to a Magic: The Gathering tournament this weekend, hell accompany me to see the new Pixar movie when I want to go. because I think that as the teen years progress you will need some better strategies to deal with the 2 strong personalities that surround you. The eye-rolling and making the daughter feel bad about her interests is not cool. We have a 1-year-old daughter together. lets_be_honest Maybe not, though. Regardless of your beliefs, from the facts laid out, he is not an involved father. And of course. Manchester United bidders move to the next stage of takeover process', Remo Freuler admits Everton's visit is biggest game of season for Forest. I was just trying to illustrate (like Wendy did) to the LW that it can be amazing when a father with very different interests introduces a kid to something they may not otherwise have been introduced to, even forcefully to a degree. But that he made the effort to give me my interests. LW, your daughter sounds awesome. More of a this is silly than yall are stupid eye roll. Though they might not always like what they hear or see, they are not typically faced with unexpected surprises or unpredictable outcomes. My dad actually doesnt have a whole lot of interests, and if he does, he doesnt like them enough to pursue them. And my dad is a veritable warehouse of rocknroll trivia when a new song came on, hed often share a fact he knew about the band (Did you know Rush is a three-person band, and that the bassist is the lead singer?), or tell us about a concert he went to in his youth (hes been on stage with Ozzy, yall, close enough to see the O-Z-Z-Y tattooed across his knuckles), or quiz me and my brother to see if we knew who the band was or what the song was. I was all set to like this until you said shes only TWELVEshell eventually grow out of the fangirldom. Why is it not ok for adults to like these shows?? If he simply refuses to see that there is a problem and you continue to feel miserable, I suggest you consider talking things through with a Relate counsellor (relate.org.uk). Ya know what happens when Mom encourages the relationship and Dad continues to belittle the kid? You always give good advice (duh!) My other daughter moved out recently into a flat-share with some friends. Did he take me out to Madonna concerts and listen to me babble on endlessly about her latest video. When the symbolic slot machine pays off, you were likely to have been off and running through the interpersonal Alice in Wonderland maze again. Im not even saying all of the things listed are mature and intelligent, but that people can be smart and informed and still like these things. I grew up with my dad frequently clipping newspaper articles he wanted us to read, and instigating family learning moments around the table. I dont think theres anything wrong with taking a child camping who doesnt necessarily like it that much. Skyblossom The kid keeps it all inside because she doesnt want to disappoint Mom, and the relationship with Dad dies. Their mind is broken, causing them to seriously overestimate their driving abilities. I am a huge fan of Pandemic its a co-op game, so you play against the disease and work as a team. I finally watched Firefly for the first time last night with my bf who has been begging me to watch it with him. This kind of self-awareness is never easy, and it is likely that he may need some professional help to overcome whatever it is that prevents him from opening up with those closest to him. And the Inner Light is a great episode, I watched it recently on Netflix. I didnt say all mature and intelligent adults like Buffy or Star Trek, Im just saying there are mature and intelligent adults who like Buffy or Star Trek. But I do think, however hes approaching it, the dad needs to come from a starting place thats going to pique the daughhers interests. Id love to tell you about the things I like. Shes a kid, with a kids sense of fairness, so that would probably be a good compromise, because right now, hes asking her to do all the changing. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Those twin feelings are what create the strong urge to come back with intense commitment after each escape.. Ask Erin: I'm Exhausted By My Daughter's Depression | Ravishly By myself, though. Some people say yes, a parent should love their child more than their spouse. I was saying thats debatable. No one ever said that being a parent would be easy, and when your husband and daughter dont get along, it can be especially difficult. July 2, 2013, 11:17 am, Skyblossom We all died laughing. I dont know why the father doesnt like Star Trek, but shows like Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Revolution are all pretty good cross sections of fangirlyness and science. July 2, 2013, 4:19 pm. I didnt say she was liking or disliking things to get close to her daughter. bittergaymark Then he said he was going out to watch the game at a bar because he needed time alone, and that hed be home in a couple of hours. And the activities that your husband wants your daughter to do arent horrible, they are actually really good for her. We watch those shows now, pre-children, but I assume well continue to do so once we have kids. You will learn from all of them. I experienced an adolescence where most of my interests were labeled garbage and where I was told my lack of interest in playing sports was a character flaw that would doom me to failure as an adult. 1. Talk about missing the point. Losing the . He wants her to watch history and science shows with him, and go hiking, camping and backpacking. WWS, and YOU need to stop pulling away from your husband, because he doesnt have the same interests as your daughter. She tells me what her favorite scent is, so I buy it for her for her birthday. I wish you hadnt been so dismissive of counseling or parenting sessions (or PAIRS workshops, they are designed for couples but work great for family relationships as well!!) You May Not Know These 8 Things Are Pushing Your Husband Away - Lifehack Here are 16 ways husbands can unintentionally push their daughters away: It can be difficult to maintain a good relationship between your husband and your daughter, but there are a few things you can do to help. I generally agree with Wendy, but would add that LW should talk to her husband about the critical view hes taking of his daughters hobbies, the escalating fights between him and the daughter and his way of interrupting conversations between LW and her daughter that annoy him. No we're not on speaking terms after he decided to sell his grandmother's home (my wife's mother) instead of keeping it. lets_be_honest And I really do think he has been 100%, maybe even 110% put on the back burner. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary Sci-Fi is a great gateway to get kids interested in sciencethere was a museum exhibit traveling around called Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination, and theres a similar one about Indiana Jones and archaeology. Its a question many mothers ask themselves: why is my husband driving my daughter away? Are you on Tumblr? She grabs every opportunity to be near him but won't actually tell him how she feels. I think theres something to be said for being well-rounded. My daughter and I are a lot like you and yours. Ill go hiking with you, and I promise to go with an open mind and not complain about it. July 2, 2013, 12:06 pm. Or if shes interested in other fantasy series (ex. But my parents both made an effort to do lots of family things together, even if my brother and I didnt want to. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Im just saying that indicates very little to me. We were really physically active and loved camping and sports, unlike the LWs daughter, but those books made us voracious readers, which in turn made us verbally proficient, intellectually curious, and capable of exploiting our imaginations in sophisticated ways. Instead of, I want you to read this by this day, and then well have a talk, how about, I found this and thought it was interesting. Yeah, apparently mine were fans all along, but there were no records in the house, unlike the other two. The Inner Light Seriously. I completely agree with you on Buffy. July 2, 2013, 3:17 pm. July 2, 2013, 1:18 pm, Um, both piano recitals and spelling bees are CONSTRUCTIVE activities Fangirling? Other times, you may have felt you were doing everything right to get a predictable outcome, but your efforts were unproductive or even erased. That doesnt mean you cant enjoy shared interests together, but just do so as mother and daughter, not BFFs. "My Husband's Pushing My Daughter Away" - Dear Wendy He was much kinder to them.) He then referred to it as anti-hunting shit, and we werent allowed to like it. When crazy-making partners are not driven by malevolent motives, they are very open to changing their behavior if it is pointed out in a non-judgmental environment. In return, LW could offer to be extra supportive of the daughter participating in activities with her father that hes interested in as well. Of course the fights will get worse as she challenges boundaries and pushes back against his authority. That sounds awful, Im, so sorry. I really dont think this situation falls entirely on the husband. Be happy that your daughter has a father who wants to be involved in her life. I can look back on those time I was forced to go mini golfing with my dad and smile, because I know how happy it made him, and I always ended up having fun, too! What music you like or books you read is a matter of personal preference, and really its rude to mock people for their personal taste just because it doesnt align with yours unless theres racism or violence or something. We are extremely close and love doing the same things. I do think the LW should encourage her daughters interest in her father and her fathers hobbies, because I think thats good parenting in general. EVER. As a mum who has exactly the same issue, I cant help but feel that this advice missed the point. Is there a middle ground? Another hallmark of BPDers is having such a fragile ego that their self concept is very weak, resulting in their having extremely weak personal boundaries. You know what, I thought you were going to lay in hard when I first started reading, and I was thinking to myself Oh fuck, hes going to hit on all her worst innermost thoughts and shes just going to run screaming away from DW but frankly, I think you are completely right. The fact that he is open to sharing his interests with her is key thats going to be where the relationship develops. Its her birthday today So Im taking her out for a steak dinner and then were going to watch fireworks (which she has decided the city has put on for her). On the other side, my sister hates sports and has ZERO in common with my dad and I would say prefers my mom to him. 2. I dont get the sense that the dad is making any effort to get to know his daughter he just wants a reflection of himself and is acting like an immature ass in the process. July 2, 2013, 12:04 pm. Moreover, his interests could actually I dunno help make her a more well rounded person. How do I say this to her without hurting her feelings? I was in bed, asleep. for making her suffer through these things she finds boring, but the resentment will be short-term and the benefits will last much longer. My parents listened to Oldies. Frankly, her interests sound pretty varied to me for 12: reading, pop culture, sci-fi, archery, piano and Broadway. She's an active parent who enjoys indoor and outdoor adventures with her family.