Men who constantly try to manipulate women into doing all their emotional labor is a ridiculously huge problem in American culture right now. Being a grown up with a family, studies and a job, friends and hobbies my life is often busy and so is my friends so we often use this website https://doodle.com/ but then people always know what kind of an event we are trying to schedule. YES, THIS. Just because at that one time it wasnt true doesnt mean that her reaction was irrational. Lessons in Love from Julia Roberts Movies true tho like next t inme ill say this and it will. If the person you're talking to has seen Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog, they'll appreciate the joke. Explain yourself; dont make me drag it out of you. Shampooing the grass. Try these instead. ME to GROUP CHAT: [Friend] and I are planning karaoke on [date] If you are available and interested, please let me know by [date] and Ill reserve a room! I ask what are your plans for the weekend? *overwhelmingly* more often because Im genuinely curious: then they ask me, and we talk about our hobbies (or I say not much and we agree that laying around is nice.) Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. Jackpot! Certain relatives. So finding out if you have plans at a given time becomes an underhanded way of tricking you into agreeing to something, like LW mentions in point number 2. It is really really worth it for people in all possible situations to understand being ethical as something you need to work on and not as something you already are by default and need no guidance and no dialogue for. Why? Born and raised in the US, and I also think this is a weird question not to answer literally. If Im bothered by the question, I usually answer back with why ? or why do you ask ?. in a family meeting you decide that father empties the dishwasher, daughter cooks on weekdays, mother cooks on weekends or whatever) which also lets her develope that skills. Oh you want to invite me to happy hour [with a bunch of colleagues I hate when theyre sober let alone when theyre drunk]? What are you up to on Saturday? has often been my go-to when dealing with someone (like my sister) that I *know* will feel pressured to accept whatever Im suggesting whether or not she wants to or has the time/energy for it. (Remember the FIRST part of what I saidthat Ive been careful to respect her autonomy since she was a teen. You can be too busy for a request, or have no conflict if you want. I can also see how always hearing a particular question before being asked a favor is going to start getting on your nerves. So setting a rent that I would for any other adult is simply not applicable. No, they just assume that you will want to do the thing. Ah. Early on in dating the boything, he would ask what I was doing that night in a way that made me think it was small talkso Id say oh, Im working on [project] probably, or I might just have an early night. And then he would assume I wasnt free, whereas if he would have said hey do you want to have dinner? I would have been on board. I loathe this question, and Ive been getting it a lot lately. and the goal is to just be ok with letting them down when they are the ones who have set an unagreed demand on your time. Youre my first choice, but you are not my last hope., (3) So, I know this is a little awkward, but recently Ive realized I like you in a um well, in a romantic way, and I would love it if we could maybe go out on a date sometime and see how that goes? And then if Im busy (in truth or not), I can say, Oh sorry. Right now? etc. What he sounds like to me is the dweebs in engineering school who would pull this routine. Try these OOO messages to let people know you're taking a break. And then both go on to other things. The person is clearly saying something bigoted or 2. Later the grad students said the table turned to remarking on the professor as soon as she was out of earshot, including their surprise that she could be a professor of engineering. It took some practice, but I always try to give an out for people, especially since I have a group of Japanese friends where theyre used to giving a soft no. I understand the concept, but it seems to me that getting an invitation after revealing that you were nominally free at that time would make refusal even harder, not easier. Oh thanks capn for the hilarious answers!!! This auto-reply is just to let you know. I"m not done loving you!" 7) "It's Friday bitches!! Ive had good luck with, Fantastic! because no matter what is happening to me, I am still fantastic in various ways. They also influence how OFTEN. Mostly they arent great at invitations. If youre female and you answer, and then he decides your time sounds like it should be at his disposal and asks for a date, and you dont want to go, now youre stuck in that ugly probabilistic space where various sorts of threats, anger, and violence may be coming at you. Her dad would not agree with a move to force her to move out. And to this day, unless its a good friend with whom I know I can say eh I just dont feel up to what you suggested even though Im not busy, I get anxious whenever someone pulls the so what are you up to on X day? question. We cheerfully said we were free, assuming there was going to some festive get together and wanting to make friends. Thats the kind of bullshit that is so often behind the oh Im so nice to your differentness behavior belief that you shouldnt be what you are, and that you probably did something not right to get there. To contact our editors please use our contact form. Its a little startling to hear something super serious like life is really dark so that would be a surprise here as well. Just ask! Oh god then you might need to find less-jerky friends, probably. - Ogden Nash - Old timers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. Some people here do not really do much small talk, so even asking How are you? might lead to a long description of ones health. As a little anecdote my ex-husband and I had just started attending a new ward in his church when a guy our age wed chatted with a few times asked us what we were doing on Halloween. But I think its disingenuous? 200 Sarcastic Quotes 1. Him: Doing anything fun today? LW is a better person than I; I would be tempted to say, I desperately need to re-grout the bathroom and weed the garden. Feeding a giraffe. Making conversions . BUT! You dont sound like you belong here isnt really the friendliest way to get to know someone, even if the intentions are good. I think its interesting how LW is talking about what seems to me to be a specific social paradigm/situation that a lot of the commentators do not share? I feel like its asking me to say yes or no to an invitation / commitment before I even know what it is (like, if youre having a party I might be free, but my babysitting quota is full for the month so no to that). Or something. And Im totally ok with that. But then she would ask me to babysit her toddler. What are you up to? They may be angling to invite you somewhere. He would intentionally just hint around until they offered. I dont give any indication as to what I am up to until they tell me what they are up to. )/co-workers, who usually uses the So what are you doing this weekend? as an opener to telling me all the awesome stuff theyve planned for themself for the weekend. There are some funny responses to "what are you going to do with your life" for when your family keeps asking you the same dull questions. This applies in other areas of life too. Im not talking about not dealing with this. Vagueing it up works for me. What the letter-writer is doing seems a bit like foreign people not grasping at first that Americans dont expect How are you? to be answered literally. I have trouble entertaining myself sometimes, I definitely dont want to try to entertain babies and pets. Are you doing anything this Thursday night? whyyyy do you need to know? But the female-seeming among us get hit with that kind of weirdly-broken thinking by our families and others endlessly in American and other western cultures. With new acquaintances, well often exchange We should hang out/get a drink/whatever sometime!s multiple times over a period of a few weeks or months before one of us says, Hey, Im going to Event on Friday, do you want to come? Its an intermediary step between I just met you and Lets hang out one-on-one at my request.. The professor went to the restroom. If someone just says yeah that tells me theyre not actually that interested. Given that the cousin is seeking babysitting, What are you doing on Thursday, followed by, Great, youre available to babysit for me! is an incredibly rude and pushy way to go about asking for that favor. Of course both people will vary from the scripts with personal style and the situation, but that is the general way it can go. Hi / hello + [thing I want to talk about] can almost seem too abrupt in that context, particularly among peers. Happy Weekend Wishes, Messages and Quotes - WishesMsg I do have quite good boundaries with my family (after years of building them) and definitely only babysit when I want to. Ive realized its very important for us. And then if its something I dont want to do BUT its a person I dont want to discourage, I can say, That sounds like youll have fun! Great Responses to "What are you doing?" - HubPages A professor I studied under said she, without thinking about it, had an automatic habit of spotting people likely to do that oh Im so nice to your differentness type of racism and trying to run interference to keep them from saying that crap around her grad students. I compared to you older friends of mine I see ruining their relationships with their adult children through constant disrespect, but then being bewildered as to why things are going so badly. Your mother/father and I are going to X, would you like to come along?. You (if you are up for it potentially) yeah, thatd be fun If its something Im keen on, the answer is, Woot! No, just running some errands. Give small truths. With colleagues especially, Im not looking to hang out just looking to connect on something, find out what they like about, get to know them better. I will have to remember, the next time I must declare myself to a new prospective partner, to offer up the alternative plan of talking about dinosaurs for the next ten minutes and then never bringing it up again. 30+ funny good morning memes to send to your family and friends "Thanks, it was a chance to relax and I am grateful for that.".
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